I Need Advice

Question:



Hello. I need some advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. He struggles a lot with ADHD and depression. Some days are great and he is in a great mood. He is loving and happy. Then there are days where he is miserable, sad and says he doesn't want to live. He already goes to a counselor and I always encourage him to talk to him, but he does not always listen...I really love him and on the good days I can see myself marrying him, and being with him forever. On the bad days I still love him and care about him so much. I just don't know if its a healthy relationship. We are are currently going to a church, where neither of us feel comfortable. Most days he questions his faith. I encourage him as much as I can but there is only so much I can do. I really love him, and I just want some advice on if you think I should continue this relationship or if I should really give it second thought. He is my first boyfriend even though I am 22 and honestly, I can not see myself with out him. I just dont know if I can always handle this up and down attitude of his. If you have any advice please tell me! Thank you so much.



Answer:



You've come to the right place. The reason why medication and people really haven't been able to completely help is because people can't completely win over this. What you need to know is that through a personal relationship with Jesus, Christ can allow your boyfriend to experience victory over his ADHD and depression. Collossians 1:17 says that Christ is ahead (Supreme) of all things and everything is held together by Him. The best thing that you could do is give this over to the Creator and Ruler of the universe. It won't always be easy, but God promises a way through it. I Corithians 10:13 says that God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear, and when you are tempted, He provides a way out. Give this over God and allow Him to lead you and your boyfriend through this. Also, ask Him to put someone in your lives that you can look to for wisdom and as an example of a believer's life you would want to follow. We also have on our site under resources, help sites that can also help for depression and ADHD for additional help. Allow God to lead and you'll be surprised at what He will do for you.

Don't forget, if you have a question you can send it to me at asktheyouthpastor@xtrlive.com plus you can talk to us tonight at www.studenthopeline.com

I really need to talk to someone!

Question:


I don't know what to do anymore. I keep cutting myself every day because the pain, hurt, confusion, sadness, shame & blame I have everyday just kills me inside. I can't deal with it anymore. I just want to give up. I keep getting more & more overwelmed each day. My depression keeps getting worse & i'm even on medication for it. And I also have professinal help but it doesn't work. They just say the only way we can help you is if you help yourself. So I basicly have to help myself alone but I can't do that its just to hard for me. I have yet to get any better. I don't think I'm ever gonna get better. I cry myself to sleep every night because everything is just so deep & I can't take it anymore. I'm always putting myself down all the time & I keep blaming myself for everything that has happened to me in my past. I might as well just give up everything. Because everyone is starting to give up on me because no one knows how to help me anymore. Each day I just keep getting closer & closer to ending my life. No one understands me or cares about what I'm going through or cares about me. Every time I try and get help from someone but they just push me away like I mean nothing to them because they don't want to hear about it or they just don't want to listen to me. I don't matter to anyone so why should I keep living my life. Someone please help me..please!



Answer:



Tiff, I am very glad that you came here. The reason that people haven't been able to help you is because everyone has difficulties of their own. Everyone has problems that they need help with. The main problem is that no person has the answer. This is where it is crucial that you go to Jesus. Matthew 28:18 says that He has all authority and power in heaven and in earth. John 10:10 shows that He wants to give you freedom in His power so that you can experience the abundant life in Him.

Before you can experience this power you must first have a relationship with Him. If you do not have a relationship with Christ, look under our resources on the title Find God. This will show you how you can have a personal relationship with Him.

If you are saved, I want to tell some great news. God is not upset with you. Romans 8:1 says that there is no condemnation to those in Christ. He looks at you like a clean slate. You stand before Him as though you have never done any wrong. Not only that, but He loves you dearly. I John 4:19 says that we love him because he first loved us. You don't have to do anything to get this love. He has already given you this love! You just need to believe it and allow Him to let you experience this love.

Because you have a personal relationship with God, all that you need to experence freedom from cutting is in your grasp. What I would reccommend is if you do not do any journaling, write out how you feel on the inside the next time you feel like cutting yourself. Knowing what I have told you, that your are loved and that Christ has power to free you from this addiction, by faith give it to Him. I Peter 5:7 says that we are to cast all of our cares to Him because He cares for us. What will also help is taking a look under our resources on a link called help sites. On this site, you will find under cutting the link to the site www.self-injury.org along with other helpful sites. You will find that coming to Christ for help and accountability that God will grant you freedom. God bless!


Don't forget, if you have a question you can send it to me at asktheyouthpastor@xtrlive.com plus you can talk to us tonight at www.studenthopeline.com

Questions about the Bible

QUESTION:


I've had alot of questions lately, and I guess I'll start with the one that is most important to me. In the Old Testament Moses says, " And now, O Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God and to walk in all His ways, to love Him, and to serve Him with all your heart, with all your soul, and to keep the commandments of the Lord and to obey His statutes which I command you today for your good. " Deut. 10:12-13

Clearly, according to the law, we must love and fear God. This is even repeated in the New Testament in 1 Peter 2:17, " Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king."

But 1 John 4:8 says, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." Is our relationship with God supposed to be one of fear mingled with love, or is love without fear?"




ANSWER:


That is an excellent question. First, you need to understand that there are two types of "fear" in these passages. Deuteronomy 10 and I Peter 2 use the type of fear has the idea of a reverence or respect. This kind of fear is how someone would revere a king. Because of this person's authority, you wouldn't want to wrong him in any way. The kind of fear in I John 4 is the fear of that would scare someone. This kind of fear is today's definition of fear.

Something that helps in interpreting the Bible is understanding the perspectives of the Old and the New Testaments. The perspective of people in the Old Testament is that they were under the law. The law can be explained like a ruler. It's just a measuring stick. What the law shows us in the Old Testament is that we cannot reach God's standards of holiness. The law then leads us into the New Testament where we find grace. When Jesus offered Himself as a substitution for our sins, He fulfilled what we could not do for ourselves. Jesus made the way where we could stand right with God.

This shows us that the kind of relationship we are to have with God is one of love. When you accept Christ as your Savior, you have nothing to fear before God. Romans 8:3 says that Christ did away with sin in the believer. Romans 8:1 says that those in Christ have no condemnation towards them. So there is nothing to fear. We can experience God's love to the fullest and this is the love that casts away all fear.:

Don't forget, if you have a question you can send it to me at asktheyouthpastor@xtrlive.com plus you can talk to us tonight at www.studenthopeline.com

How do I forgive him?

QUESTION:

I've dated this guy for a little over three years. During those three years we have broken up twice--the first time for one month, the second for four months. Each time we would lose all communication and then both times we just accidentally ran into one another and proceeded back into a relationship over time. During both break periods, my bf slept around--one night stands and semi-serious relationships (which he later said was mainly just sex). He said that he hurt too and that was his way of forgetting me and letting me go. I have found myself somehow back into a relationship with him and I love him even more. He's matured a lot and has gotten very serious about our relationship--he has casually mentioned getting engaged several times. I love him, but in the same breath I hate him. I hate him for the way the break-ups happened and for him sleeping around. Especially when he says that during the whole time, he never stopped loving me. I never stopped loving him and yet, I didn't sleep around! Now, he's friends with most of the one night stands and many other women he met while apart from me. I don't know any of them and find myself struggling to trust him. He has never cheated on me, but he has broken my heart many times. He flirts a lot with these girls via text messaging...things I would never say to a guy or girl while in a relationship. But he says that they are just joking around and that his friends know that he loves me and that he's not being serious. I am not comfortable with this and am really hurt by his words. But, I don't know if I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Are these text messages a big deal? I mean, don't all guys flirt? Am I just passing my anger and bitterness from one situation to the next? More importantly, what should I do?

ANSWER:

This is a serious issue and I am glad that you've come for advice. Proverbs 26:11 explains that someone who has exposed themselves to ungodly actions are likely to go back to them. It appears that his flirting with other girls is an indication that down the road he would revert back to seeing other girls even though you may be attached to him. If I were you, I would confront him with what he is doing and let him know that you do not appreciate him not giving you his full attention. If he is responsive and is willing to do this, then great! If not, I would suggest taking a step back and settle the emotions to see if this is someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with and if he is willing to be faithful to you. The best advice that I can give to you is for you to open God's Word and ask Him to guide you through this relationship. I Peter 5:7 says to give all of your cares to God because He cares for you. If you allow Him to show you what to do, He will solve this.

Don't forget, if you have a question you can send it to me at asktheyouthpastor@xtrlive.com plus you can talk to us tonight at www.studenthopeline.com

Not Sure What God is Saying To Me

Q:

God personally gave me the verse Jeremiah 29:11, but I'm not sure exactly what he's saying to me. I mean, I think that it's so awesome how he says that he has peacefull thoughts towards me, but where he says that he wants to prosper me, I'm not sure what that means. Would you please give me some more insight into what you beleive God is saying about that? And also, what you believe he's saying to me in general about that whole verse. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks so much!

ANSWER:

If you look at Jeremiah 29, you’ll see that this is a letter written to the captives in Babylon. Jeremiah is telling them that God wants them to get established in this foreign land because they’re going to be there for a while. Their hearts and desires were to be back in Judah in their homeland, but God had to punish those who were not in captivity for their rebellion against Him. God was having mercy on these people by removing them from their homeland in order to punish those whose hearts were far from Him and refused to repent. Even though they were in captivity, God’s plan for them was for the better. He was separating them from the rebellious for the ultimate purpose of knowing Him.



What we as followers get so wrapped up in at times is in the things that we see right in front of us. The Israelites were in captivity and wanted out, but God told them to settle in for the long haul (70 years). We see hard times and want out of them right away, and that’s a natural reaction. What we have to remember, is that as we seek God in our lives we’ll have hard times, but we can rest assured that He has a plan and will use this for good in His ultimate plan. It may not be an easy road, but we can rest in the peace that is beyond our understanding that God has everything under control, and that He has a final goal in mind. The final goal is Him. His ultimate goal for the unfolding of your life is to get to know Him. You can know and rest assured that His plan is something He has prepared long before you were alive and that it is good.

Don't forget you can email me with your questions at asktheyouthpastor@xtrlive.com. If you need to talk tonight please come to www.studenthopeline.com and talk with our staff.

Kyle

Eating Disorder

Q: I have struggled with an anorexia and bulimia for almost five years. I got help and recovered mostly because of God and reaffirming my faith in him. Lately, things have just gone down hill for me. My faith in God has never been stronger, but my dad took a job out of town and I only see him on the weekends and he is the one person besides God who understands me. Also I feel so alone all the time because I don't feel like I have many friends and that no one likes me. My brother went to college and my mom is always at work. I spend most of my day by myself. Because of all of these things I've just been so sad all of the time. The only way I know how to cope with sadness and depression is through anorexia and bulimia, so I've relapsed. I know God doesn't want me to do this to myself, but all I think about is food, calories, fat, and my weight. I have never been this sick in my eating disorder before and I need help but I almost feel like I don't want it. This is the only way I know how to cope with pain. I am miserable and I need to know how I can make my faith even stronger so that I can make myself want to beat this again.





A: It's encouraging to see how God has been at work in your life. Just from reading how you've allowed God to help you through this is awesome. You faith in God is the foundation for which you can overcome any weakness. I just want to let you know that I understand where you are coming from. It is so easy to get worried about how you look that it can consume you. The first thing I want to say is don't beat yourself up. God knows all about your struggle and He's proud of you for letting Him help you for all that time. He knows that you are not perfect and that you'll have times where you stumble. The Bible says in proverbs 24:16 that the righteous falls seven times, but then he gets back up again. Falling isn't the issue. It's if you refuse to get back up is when you are defeated.Another thing that you need to remember is that God doesn't want you to be bound to what your appearance is. You are beautiful just as you are because that is how God made you. He made you in His image and you are special and dear in His sight.I'm sure you heard the story of Job. He went through some hard times even though he was living a life that pleased God. At first it looked like God was just allowing hard times to come on him to see if he would crack. If you look at the end of the story though, God had a special plan for him. God wanted to bless him more and give him a greater life. But he would not have been able to have that if he had not gone through the rough times. God did not put you in this situation to fail. He has a greater plan for you and it requires that you go through a time that you need more of Him. Ask for grace to get back up and that He would give you the friend and accoutability that you need to get through this. He will get you through this, so hang in there.

If you have a question, please email me at asktheyouthpastor@xtrlive.com.



Kyle
Xtreme Youth Pastor

Ask The Youth Pastor

On a regular basis, hopefully just about every day I'll answer questions from you and your friends.

I am going to post one question each day and provide the answer on this blog. Don't worry I will not use your name. If you have the IPhone, this section will be titled Ask Pastor and not S. Hopeline within the next week.

So what question can I answer for you? Please email at asktheyouthpastor@xtrlive.com with your questions and we'll begin right a way.

I am excited to kick off this area of our ministry.

God bless,

Kyle

Student Hopeline Open Tonight

Feel free to send me any questions and comments you might have. Tonight Student Hopeline will be open during it's normal time from 5pm Pacfic / 8pm Eastern until 9pm Pacfic / 12 AM Eastern.

We are receiving some great feedback from those using Student Hopeline and I would encourage you to stop by studenthopeline.com tonight to receive encouragement and hope.

Keep checking my daily blog for updates and answers to your questions.

God bless,

Kyle

Director of Student Hopeline