How do I forgive him?

QUESTION:

I've dated this guy for a little over three years. During those three years we have broken up twice--the first time for one month, the second for four months. Each time we would lose all communication and then both times we just accidentally ran into one another and proceeded back into a relationship over time. During both break periods, my bf slept around--one night stands and semi-serious relationships (which he later said was mainly just sex). He said that he hurt too and that was his way of forgetting me and letting me go. I have found myself somehow back into a relationship with him and I love him even more. He's matured a lot and has gotten very serious about our relationship--he has casually mentioned getting engaged several times. I love him, but in the same breath I hate him. I hate him for the way the break-ups happened and for him sleeping around. Especially when he says that during the whole time, he never stopped loving me. I never stopped loving him and yet, I didn't sleep around! Now, he's friends with most of the one night stands and many other women he met while apart from me. I don't know any of them and find myself struggling to trust him. He has never cheated on me, but he has broken my heart many times. He flirts a lot with these girls via text messaging...things I would never say to a guy or girl while in a relationship. But he says that they are just joking around and that his friends know that he loves me and that he's not being serious. I am not comfortable with this and am really hurt by his words. But, I don't know if I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Are these text messages a big deal? I mean, don't all guys flirt? Am I just passing my anger and bitterness from one situation to the next? More importantly, what should I do?

ANSWER:

This is a serious issue and I am glad that you've come for advice. Proverbs 26:11 explains that someone who has exposed themselves to ungodly actions are likely to go back to them. It appears that his flirting with other girls is an indication that down the road he would revert back to seeing other girls even though you may be attached to him. If I were you, I would confront him with what he is doing and let him know that you do not appreciate him not giving you his full attention. If he is responsive and is willing to do this, then great! If not, I would suggest taking a step back and settle the emotions to see if this is someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with and if he is willing to be faithful to you. The best advice that I can give to you is for you to open God's Word and ask Him to guide you through this relationship. I Peter 5:7 says to give all of your cares to God because He cares for you. If you allow Him to show you what to do, He will solve this.

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