Not So Perfect

Question:




I am a senior in high school and I don't remember the last time i let out all my troubles and shames. I lost my grandma at age 10 and from there my life went downhill. I am not proud of how things are but I am not all that bad I mean I have straight As and I push myself in figure skating and track but there are so many things that I don't know anymore.
My journal that I keep has suicide written all over it from the nights I would fight with my parents and I have all my feeling bursted out in it. This year I had my first real drink...or drinks but I knew when to stop so I didn't screw up my life that bad. I dated a guy more than a year ago and I dumped him cuz i was afraid that he was almost too perfect for me (afraid I would fall in love with him basically). He liked me for the next 15 months after that and then I went out with this other guy to get my ex out of the way but now my ex got a new girlfriend and I just dumped my boyfriend of 2 months this weekend because I have feelings for my ex and he doesn't realize it.

Some days I wish he knew and others I wish things would disappear for good. When things get way out of hand my ex says I can call him but I just cant always take it and thats when I wish I would disappear and never comeback. I miss my grandma so much and I know that I should accept the fact that she's dead but she was always someone to talk to and when she died I haven't had a real decent person to let out all my feelings. My ex and I have become great friends and I'm afraid I might mess it up or his new girlfriend will break our friendship that I just got with him (I hated his guts for awhile then I got feelings for him agian and then I hated him agan. back and forth like that). I'm afraid to let my real feelings out and I can't always figure out what they mean to me.

If you can help me that would be great because I just give up on who to turn too. I'm sorry I kept going and going but its all in my head and I need to get out and get help with it. Thank You.



Answer:




I really am glad you came here. I am sorry that you've had to try to contain these feelings for such a long time. That's a hard thing to try and hold onto. It makes it harder when you don't feel like you can really share how you feel with anyone. You are always welcome here and we won't turn you away no matter what you are going through. Now we can only encourage you so much and our help for you has limits. But one thing I can do is point you to Christ. He is the only One who can really help you where you are hurting. He can take the burden that you are carrying from you and use the pain that you have felt inside and make good come out of it. He can help you based on a personal relationship with Him. If this is something you do not have, please come back and let me know, I would love to show you how you can begin this. If you do have one, you already have what you need to get you through what you are feeling. All it takes is calling out to Him and giving your hurts to Him by faith. Hang in there, God has not given up on you.


Don't forget, if you have a question you can send it to me at asktheyouthpastor@xtrlive.com plus you can talk to us tonight at www.studenthopeline.com.