My Brother

Question:




I have an older brother, and he really is a great older brother. There is only a ten month difference, so we're really close. We spend time together all the time, and we tell each other everything. He's super fun to be with, and I can always depend on him. He's always had an issue with yelling(mostly at me), and I figured that's what all brothers were like. Lately, though, it seems like he's not being like a brother. Sometimes he'll just explode on me, yelling about the most trivial things, and it really scares me. Sometimes he'll start throwing stuff, and pushing me around. When we go out, I have to be really careful not to touch him. One time, I accidentally brushed against his shoulder while we were shopping, and he started to yell at me and he kicked me in the shin. He didn't kick me that hard. It left a small bruise that went away in a few days, but he does this all the time. Sometimes for no reason, but usually it's when I touch him in any manner. I thought maybe it was normal for older brothers to be like that, but I really don't know. Is it normal for brothers to be like that? 'Cause it REALLY scares me. I'm afraid all the time I'm going to do something to set him off. The thing is whenever he's not upset, he's REALLY great. He's helping me with homework, giving me advice, playing games with me, etc. That's why it's really easy for me to forget and accidentally do something he'll get mad at. If it isn't normal how can I get him to stop? And if it is normal... I don't know what to do, because I can't stand it. Please help.



Answer:



It sounds like your brother has some real anger issues. It’s one thing for a brother to get into fights and hit a younger brother because guys are naturally more physical with their aggression. He doesn’t understand that what he is doing is damaging his relationship with you and that girls are meant to be related to with more care. It also sounds like he’s got some issues with being close to other girls. It honestly shouldn’t be an issue for a younger sister to give him a hug or anything like that. The first thing I would do is pray for your brother. It’s common to have things that people struggle with for whatever reasons. But if something like this isn’t addressed soon, it will grow into something very serious and become a big problem that will really hurt him down the road. The next thing I would do is talk with him. Let him know that he can't do this. He might look at it and think that he can handle that kind of fighting but he needs to get his eyes off his own reactions and see that he’s hurting a younger sister that he needs to stand and protect. If talking to him doesn’t work or isn’t showing progress, tell your parents what you have told me. You did a very good job of explaining what’s going on, use these same words with them and let them know that this will get worse if he doesn’t deal with this.

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